Had to stop taking the kids places to have fun today, and actually go and do the grocery shopping. I had been putting it off in favour of doing much more fun things, basically since school let out.  So it was definitely time.  The cupboards were pretty bare and the cantina equally so.  The kids had shared the last apple at breakfast, which didn’t make them happy and they were loudly complaining that I needed to buy milk.  I can’t wait until they are old enough to send to the store!!!!!!!

I started off with one child sitting in one cart, and by the time I got through the produce section I realized that this was going to be a two cart endeavour.  So we continued on  with two carts- I pushed Gregory in a cart with a wonky wheel, and Paulina pushed Sabrina in another cart.  After almost running into two different people, I asked Paulina if she was having trouble with her cart and it seemed that she too had a wonky cart that didn’t want to turn.  So Jeremy provided a third cart, and we did a rapid transfer of groceries and one child in mid-aisle.  This did not make me happy, but Sabrina enjoyed it.

After putting off the shopping for so long, and getting by on fresh veggies from my in-laws and periodic short trips to the store, it was time for some serious buying.  One problem I always encounter when I take the gang shopping is that they always convince me to buy food that I would not normally buy, and so $416 later, we checked out. The kids bagged and loaded the carts, and we left with 4 different kinds of cookies that I have never bought before, and one that was completely empty before we even paid for it!!!!

Luckily, this time I only had to deal with the kids being noisy, and only occasionally forgetting they weren’t supposed to run in the store.  This time we made it through without any real embarrassment, like the time not long ago when the boys put plastic produce bags over their heads and pretended to be zombies, and the gasps of nearby shoppers roused me from my neglect while I obliviously inspected the quality of the hot-house tomatoes.

Yesterday at the mall, my 10 year old blog assistant, Paulina,  proved herself a great marketing manager when at the bookstore she told the cashier that I had five kids and had my own website, etc.  The cashier was a sweet lady named Elfi who Paulina took an immediate liking to because she was so nice, and had such an adorable name.  Paulina insisted I write down the site name for Elfi and the lady willingly took it, nodding at Paulina’s suggestion to tell all her friends.  That’s my girl!

I realized later in the day, that I talk to my kids way too much, when four year old Gregory asked “how many hits did you get so far today, Mama?”  I also realized that sometimes children really do listen when you speak to them, when on another occasion Sabrina told her father that “Mama had 200 hits today.”  Now, it’s a good thing that this information was offered to someone who knew us, because if a child told me that their mother had any number of hits, I would immediately think DRUGS.  Would you?  Maybe it’s just me-I did live with a bunch of drug addicts at university for a while before I managed to escape.

My friends have kids who are shy and restrained.  Nice quiet children who listen, and don’t run away from their mother on the street… my children are noisy.  Ridiculously noisy.  Each one seems to be louder than the next and I can only assume that it’s because they have to be loud to be heard.  Hell, I have to be loud to be heard, that’ s my excuse and I’m sticking to it!

I have problems hearing low sounds and voices a lot of the time (yes, even the voices of the mothers, of these nice quiet children) and although I haven’t had my hearing checked, I am sure I have hearing loss, and I wholeheartedly blame my children.  Too much time in the van with five children is sure to cause hearing loss, I have no doubt.

People who know us love that my kids are chatty and friendly, so full of personality and so likable.  I love that about them too.  I love to talk also, so I guess they get that from me, and I know that at times I talk too much and wish afterward that I had stopped talking or hadn’t told that last story, or whatever.  But when they never stop talking or laughing. Oh my.

Jack has always been the one to automatically recite the names and ages of himself and his siblings at the drop of a hat.  Sometimes people wouldn’t have even asked, maybe just smiled in our direction and he’d smile broadly and begin ‘I’m Jack  and I’m 3, that’s Jeremy and he’s 5, that’ s Paulina and she’s 6….’ 

One of my friends says she’s embarassed that her kids don’t answer when people speak to them, so she didn’t understand my complaint that when at the grocery store, my kids were chatting up the poor flustered cashier so much that I had to tell them to leave her alone. What’s this? What’s that? We have 5 kids! You get the idea…

Today I was shocked when my normally timid 4 year old actually said to the cashier at Walmart, ‘Hey-we have five kids!” He certainly knows how to start a conversation.   Her response, “I would have killed myself if I had five kids, and if I had had twins, I would have given one away.”  My son’s  eyes went wide and he backed away, climbing onto Ronald McDonald’s lap at the attached restaurant, no doubt seeking some comfort from the crazy, child hating cashier.    I think he may think twice about starting a conversation again with someone he doesn’t know.  Maybe I will too for that matter.

The following post was written about my life four years ago, as a sample entry for the blog contest I have recently entered.  In the end, I did not submit it, choosing instead to submit ,  ‘If you eat it, the guilt will come…’ 

I am not Angelina Jolie. But after today, I think I know what it’s like to be stalked by paparazzi.
At Costco today, pushing a cart with a baby seat and pulling a cart with a baby seat, while the older kids walked and held on, people stared, whispered, and rubbernecked.
I answered ‘yes, they’re all mine’ 10 times before arriving at the meat counter. I began contemplating having ‘yes, they’re all mine’ put on a t-shirt to save me time and repetition, but realized that with these oversized twin-feeding breasts, the meaning could easily be misconstrued.
As this was my first shopping outing with all the kids, the babies only 3 months old, all I could think about was getting it done, and FAST!!
I was looking at the ground beef, when suddenly we were surrounded by five smiling butcher ladies in white uniforms, covered liberally in blood, oohing and ahhing over my kids. The kids stared in shocked silence and it took Jack a full minute to begin his usual listing of names and ages that he provides out of habit, sometimes without even being asked. Athough I love talking to people about my kids, I began to panic that I wouldn’t finish my shopping before the babies woke for feeding.
After that, I kept my head down and we got out of there fast. We even had lunch in the restaurant and loaded the car before the babies stirred.
I am euphoric! I survived Costco, with the kids!
Maybe I will get a t-shirt made after all.