I may or may not have a warped sense of humour, depending who I’m talking to.

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When people ask me how I manage with 5 kids, I often laugh and say that I lock the kids in their cages regularly, beat them, or yell  a lot.

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Recently when I told a mom on the soccer field that I had fed the kids popcorn for dinner at the movies, and gave them ice cream cones for lunch, she stepped back and asked if she should be calling the children’s aid society.  I said, yes, please do!  Maybe that would get me a few days off for a break, and it would certainly be cheaper than camp!

Hubby went to the gym last night and arrived home as I was putting the kids to bed.

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When we made our way downstairs, I went to sit at my computer and he went to the kitchen.

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“Come see what I got for us!” he called softly, so big ears wouldn’t hear and come hurtling down the stairs at breakneck speed, in the hopes of sharing.

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I got excited, ran into the kitchen, imagining ice cream or frosty’s from Wendy’s…And do you know what he had?  Do you know what he bought for us?

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Sushi.

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That’s it….I can’t write about this anymore, it’s far too painful.  If you can recommend a good  marriage counsellor, please let me know.

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Hubby has been working feverishly this past weekend to finish the basement bedroom after ‘THE LEAK’.  We had a company come in to seal the problem, and now hubby needs to insulate, hang drywall and lay a floor, all before the nanny comes to live with us in August.

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Now, hubby really enjoys doing home improvement and repair projects, it’s just that his job at an office in Toronto, doesn’t really allow much time to do these types of things.

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So he is enjoying learning how to complete this project.

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He is happiest when he is holding a power tool.  He has been making good use of the ‘do it yourself’ book that I bought him for Christmas two years ago from home depot.  He regularly reads it to see what he should do next.  He’s also discovered that you tube offers a great many ‘how-to’ videos that are actually rather useful.

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Personally, I think that he would make a great reality tv show.

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Picture a bespecled, book smart, intellectual fellow, who wears a suit to work every day.  A guy whose idea of ‘casual Friday’, is wearing his navy suit without a tie.  Then picture this guy holding a bag of insulation, looking at some sheets of drywall.  Next, visualize him flipping through the pages of his ‘how-to’ home depot book and scratching his head.

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Imagine his children coming in to ‘help’ and his sarcastic wife smirking behind him.

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Woohoo!  I think it could be a hit!!!!!!!!!!

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I’m being mean, I know.  He’s actually doing a great job, and he is almost done the wall.  He said something about drywall tape before he disappeared into the basement after the World Cup game disappointed him.  He also mentioned opening his own construction company, after all he is Italian, and calling it ‘We don’t know what we’re doing and we will take a long time, but we will get the job done.”

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Mike Holmes had better watch out.

Do you regularly wish that you had another pair of arms?

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I recently read an article in the paper that was a follow up to a big news story from about a year ago, about a farmer who had both his arms severed and then had donated arms attached.  Amazingly, the donated, attached arms are working, and he can use them for simple tasks.  I’m sure we all agree that this is incredible, and so useful, and so helpful. And this type of pioneering surgery is valuable and will have many, many important uses.

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Now. Are you thinking what I’m thinking?  Where do we sign up for this procedure?  Couldn’t we all use an extra arm or two? I’m thinking maybe a man’s arm would be especially useful, for when we need to carry really heavy stuff, like a cooler, or a struggling 5 year old????

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Considering that clothing can easily be altered to accommodate it, I’m thinking that the major issues we women might face with a male arm are, if it was hairy, it may need to be waxed regularly and it may constantly try to find a place to rest casually in the waistband of our underwear.

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You see?  Not so bad, right? The benefits might actually outweigh the disadvantages….unless of course the arm suffered from an uncontrollable urge to scratch body parts that we wouldn’t normally scratch, and actually don’t even possess, or, God forbid it discovered that it’s location was within groping distance of a pair of female breasts….

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Then it would be a problem.

I know my children are weird, okay?

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I know it, and normally I would be blaming it on my hubby’s side of the family, but this time, I won’t.

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My kids are good eaters, not particularly finicky, some like different foods than others, but overall, they are all easy to please.

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Last summer while crossing a soccer field, a mom said to me ‘is your son crying because he wants an APPLE??AN APPLE?’

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He was. And I was denying him because we were heading home for lunch.

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That didn’t seem weird to me.  What happened last night does.

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I had bought beets on a whim at the grocery store, boiled those ugly suckers up, peeled them and arranged them on a plate.  I don’t normally buy beets, but in the summertime, my Italian father in law keeps us steadily supplied with them, so much so, in fact, that we sometimes compost them..

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Anyway, 8 year old Jack saw the plate, threw his arms around my waist and exclaimed loudly :

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‘Beets!!! Oh man!  Thanks Mom, you are the best!!!!!!’  Then he ran off and announced excitedly to his siblings ‘Guys, guys, Mom made us beets!!’

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There.  My kids are weird, right? I told you they were.